for me to swing into action . it would have beeen a field day for lists . low-cholesterol spread , green vegetables , vitamins , an exercise , 7:00- 7:30 AM breakfast , 7:45 ....
the enormity of nathan 's solence was an excruciating reminder of how silent we had been during his life . i had failed to comfort him . i had not stroked his check . we had not waited stoically together in a doctor's waiting room .
nor had my phone rung ths morning , and i had not picked it up to hear him say : " minty , i've got something to tell you ..... it will be a shock ."
so he never got to heat my reply ." vistemax sucks . have you rung the lawyers ? nathan , this is not personal , you know ..." especially , nathan never haerd me say ." nathan , hold on , i'm coming ovr to get you and we'll talk this through ..."
nathna had chosen to bury his anguish in solence and then , to seek out rose .
but nathan was dead .
i felt to my knees by the filing cabinet , placed my hands onth open drawer , for it held the facts , the hard facts of which i was so fond , og nathan 's life .
i bowed my head and finally , i wept .
it was three-thirty in the morning , onthe first day of my widowhood .
at nine A.M the following morning , i sat at nathna 's desk in his study . the boys had already gone to school and eve was vaccuming the next-door room . the noise drilled into my skull .
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