his face toward the door as if he was listening out for something , someone . a lock of his hair had fallen over his forehead , just tinged with gary . his mouth was slightly open . had he been speaking to rose when his heart shudered . jumped , and declared " enough "? his left arm was tcuked by his side , palm up , fingers curled a fraction .
he was still nathna - he was still evident in the bone structure , the angle of the chin , the width of the fore head . yet he had become remote . between one heartbeat and the nonarrival of the next , he had weighed anchor and rowed far awy . he had sped past his children , past his life with me , toward a horizon of which i had no knowledge .
" nathna ...." i reached over and smoothed back the lock of hair . tidying him as i knew he liked . his skin held scintillas of warmth and hope flated that i could run from the room shouting ." he's not dead only asleep ."
i touched one of fingers , willing it to curl round mine . what was there left to read in his face , with the blind closed eyes ? there was no distress as far as i could make out , only surprise ..... and a suggestion of ...release ?
in the other room . i could hear the murmur of rose's voice .
had she traced the line from nose to chin , as i did in the gentlest of gestures ? had she bent over to be quite , quite sure that no rogue breath soughed from his mouth , as i was doing ? had she sunk to her knees and whispered ." i don't believe you're dead . nathan , " as i was now doing ?
i shed no tears . shock i think , no easy relief then . again . i esearched nathna 's face for the dues . " why did you not call me , nathan ?" i begged the still figure , as i knelt in front him like a penitent i knew - i feared - tht nathan had struggled on feeling ill and alone .
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