" i haven't told them yet . i'm waiting for the right moment ."
paige could not , and did not , resist this challenge ." won't they guess something is up ?"
"i'm good at pretending ."
there was a small silence ." yes , i suppose you are ."
in between these conversations , i did my best to make a list . but it proved beyond my powers . i struggled with words such as " probate ," " death registration ," and " newpaper an nouncement ," but they refused to slot into their palces .
"mum ," lucas ran into the house , and hurled himself at me ." mum , read me a story ." he was glowing with exercise , and looked so winning and wholesome that my film director who happened to be passsing would have scooped him up .
a hand slipped into mine ." hallo , mummmy ." it was felix ," you look sad , are you sad , mummy ?"
i bent down and scooped them both into a hug . their small hard heads butted into my chest . they were now my entire responsibility .
nathna was with me throughout that fear - filled night . we were in the sitting room . the clock ticked on the hal;f-moon table by the window and we were arguing about it . nathan thought it would be safer on the mantelpiece ." please do as i wish . minty ." i looked up from a card of paint samples and heard myself say ," do you think eastern beige would look right in here ? eastern begige ," he retorted ." compost more like . nathan was in the garden , in his brown corduroys , favorite blue shirt , and a pair of wellington , digging under the lilac tree . on the landing , i was struggling to iron a shirt that , however skilfully i strioked and stretched it , would not lose its creases .
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