ther was a pause and i said ." that was wonderful ."
poppy weighed and measured my sincerity and , evedently , found it acceptable and ratlled on ." lunch then . it's our aniversay so we thought ...it's great being married , don't you think ?" realizing she had fallen into the verbal equivalent of quicksand , poppy changed the subject and inquired about felix's recent stomach upset . she ended the copnversation by saying ." one o'lock . but minty , if you feel you want some time to yourself . which i am sure you do , just send dad and twins over .
i had not intended to watch rose's program . no , really . but here i was eyeing the oopening credit over a palte of grated carrots , sliced tomatoes , and ultra nonfat ssalad dressing .
how long was it since i had seen rose ? two years ? three ? . no matter , for in my case , seeing was irrelevant .you don't have to see someone to know they are there , and rose and her shadow were sewn to me as securely as peter pan's .
unable to mark up my mind if i wished her withered and bony , thus adding to my guilt , or flouring , as she appeared now , i scrutinized every inch of her .rose looked wonderful , and like a woman in charge of her life , and totally unencumbered , which , if irritating to anyone struggling with encumbarnces , let me off the hook .if rose could look that good , then she was not suffering , and - perhaps - the odds had evened out a trifle . on the other hand , i reminded myself , this was the woman who was discussing garden palns with her-ex- husband who happened to be married to me .
rose's first wonder turned out to be hidden in a a polish salt mine . dressed in combat trouser and a thick jacke , she led the viewer down a tunnel , and every so ofen , the camera panned over the fingures and animals carved by the miners into the walk .
Monday, April 2, 2012
47 wivebehavingbadly
last night rose was on television . franted it was one of the lesser- known digital channels , but on television nonetheless .
nathan was at a vistemax dinner , one of the many in the run-up to christamx . on these occasion , he rolled home smelling of cigars and brandy , often with a chocolate mint secretd in his pocket . " minty ." and , tender and pleased with himself , he would urge me to devour this fruit dropping from the tree of corporate life .
in the interim , i sat on the sofa with a tray on my lap and the opening credits of rose ;laloyd's wonders of the world for company . the twins were asleep , and eve had gone out .
i had known about the program . poppy had made the point of informing me about it when she phoned up to ask us to sunday lunch ." it's so exciting . mum out up this idea of presenting her seven wonders of the world , they gave her more or less free reiin ." knowing what i did about television production companies , this was an exaggeration , but you could never accuse poppy of forgetting whose side she was on ." she's been all over .it 's amaxing ."
nathan was at a vistemax dinner , one of the many in the run-up to christamx . on these occasion , he rolled home smelling of cigars and brandy , often with a chocolate mint secretd in his pocket . " minty ." and , tender and pleased with himself , he would urge me to devour this fruit dropping from the tree of corporate life .
in the interim , i sat on the sofa with a tray on my lap and the opening credits of rose ;laloyd's wonders of the world for company . the twins were asleep , and eve had gone out .
i had known about the program . poppy had made the point of informing me about it when she phoned up to ask us to sunday lunch ." it's so exciting . mum out up this idea of presenting her seven wonders of the world , they gave her more or less free reiin ." knowing what i did about television production companies , this was an exaggeration , but you could never accuse poppy of forgetting whose side she was on ." she's been all over .it 's amaxing ."
46 wivesbehavingbadly
"well , then ," he said from the doorway ." you have decided ."
"oh , for god's sake ." i said ." don't sound as if plan to murder you all ."
with that he swung back to me ." and you ..." his anger broke through the fatigue ." ar never satisfied ." he checked himself and when he spoke again it was with a low , wooing voice ." minty , why can't you just get on with what we've got ? it's good enough , , isn't it ?" he pulled me to him , and buried his face in my hair : " let's not quarred over this ."
quarreling spelled another sleepless night . it meant what tha self-help manuals called a session to settle the issues . it meant the whole question of my work spiraling from a monor problem into a nuclear disaster . i kissed nathan 's cheek ." lets 's not ."
"oh , for god's sake ." i said ." don't sound as if plan to murder you all ."
with that he swung back to me ." and you ..." his anger broke through the fatigue ." ar never satisfied ." he checked himself and when he spoke again it was with a low , wooing voice ." minty , why can't you just get on with what we've got ? it's good enough , , isn't it ?" he pulled me to him , and buried his face in my hair : " let's not quarred over this ."
quarreling spelled another sleepless night . it meant what tha self-help manuals called a session to settle the issues . it meant the whole question of my work spiraling from a monor problem into a nuclear disaster . i kissed nathan 's cheek ." lets 's not ."
45 wivesbehavingbadly
gain , i recollected deb's nasty expression . " i don't think part- time works ."
he pulled out the plug . greasy and cold , the water drained away ." i know it doesn't , but the boys need you . it seems to me that yoy have a good balance with what you have got ."
"i need to work and i think i would do better at paradox if i was full time ."
he nooded , and wiped down the draining board with a cloth . " you see that as your priority ?"
" i do , it will be okay , nathan , i promise . it's not so difficult . thousands of women do it ." i slid my arms around his waist and made him turn around to face me ." surely , you're not surprised ?"
" no . " he moved out of my reach ." i had an idea you might be thinking along those lines ."
why hadn't he said something ? " don't make me sound like a monster who abandons her children . i need to do something property . you do see ?" i thought of the ideas landing in my lap . i would nurture them , made them grow , and watch them fly .
" don't you put your heart and soul into your sons ?" nathan gave me a long slow appraisal , and all our differences were refected in that scrutiny , " i'm tired ." he rubbed his eyes ." let 's go to bed ."
i stared at him , trying to read beyond the set look on his face . what could i say to diddoleve those differences ? somewhere - and i could not place my finger on it - i had lost my hold on the essential nathan , the one who had tumbled so willingly into my grasp .
one by one , i turned off the lights , and the kitchen slid into darkness , " i have decided , nathan ."
he pulled out the plug . greasy and cold , the water drained away ." i know it doesn't , but the boys need you . it seems to me that yoy have a good balance with what you have got ."
"i need to work and i think i would do better at paradox if i was full time ."
he nooded , and wiped down the draining board with a cloth . " you see that as your priority ?"
" i do , it will be okay , nathan , i promise . it's not so difficult . thousands of women do it ." i slid my arms around his waist and made him turn around to face me ." surely , you're not surprised ?"
" no . " he moved out of my reach ." i had an idea you might be thinking along those lines ."
why hadn't he said something ? " don't make me sound like a monster who abandons her children . i need to do something property . you do see ?" i thought of the ideas landing in my lap . i would nurture them , made them grow , and watch them fly .
" don't you put your heart and soul into your sons ?" nathan gave me a long slow appraisal , and all our differences were refected in that scrutiny , " i'm tired ." he rubbed his eyes ." let 's go to bed ."
i stared at him , trying to read beyond the set look on his face . what could i say to diddoleve those differences ? somewhere - and i could not place my finger on it - i had lost my hold on the essential nathan , the one who had tumbled so willingly into my grasp .
one by one , i turned off the lights , and the kitchen slid into darkness , " i have decided , nathan ."
44 wivesbehavingbadly
timon drew a perfect circle on his notepad ." six months ' probation . yes or no ?
"yes ."
i quit his office high-wired with nevers and exhilaration . abraham maslow had been correct when he drew up his pyramid and formulated an individual's hierachies of need . once food , warmth, safety , and sex were more or less seen to , then it was viatl to have the respect of colleagues . and espect for oneself , of course .
six months later , i recieved one of those letters . " your probationary period has now run to its close . while we have appreciated your efforts on the books pages , we have decided not to appoint you . perhaps you will consider the alternatives .... " and so on .
this time . timon did not bother to call me into the office .
it took me a while to decide where to file this record of my failure . eventually , i slotted it into " family history " in nathna 's immaculate files , fitting it between -chronologically - the photographs of poppy's surprise wedding in thailand , and the christening of jilly and sam's frieda . nathan demanded to know why . i had put it there , and i told him there was no point in not facing up the the fact that i have been sacked . he lost his temper , cursed vistemax , and raged around the room . i watched him with my heart galloping under my pregnant bump . for nathan , life was no longer obedient and tidy , and his regrets were for that loss of symmetry as much as his guilt at having cut it into bits .
nathan palced the penultimate glass on the draining board . foam flecked his forearms , and his fingers were pink ." your timing , minty , it's late ." pause ." why ?"
"yes ."
i quit his office high-wired with nevers and exhilaration . abraham maslow had been correct when he drew up his pyramid and formulated an individual's hierachies of need . once food , warmth, safety , and sex were more or less seen to , then it was viatl to have the respect of colleagues . and espect for oneself , of course .
six months later , i recieved one of those letters . " your probationary period has now run to its close . while we have appreciated your efforts on the books pages , we have decided not to appoint you . perhaps you will consider the alternatives .... " and so on .
this time . timon did not bother to call me into the office .
it took me a while to decide where to file this record of my failure . eventually , i slotted it into " family history " in nathna 's immaculate files , fitting it between -chronologically - the photographs of poppy's surprise wedding in thailand , and the christening of jilly and sam's frieda . nathan demanded to know why . i had put it there , and i told him there was no point in not facing up the the fact that i have been sacked . he lost his temper , cursed vistemax , and raged around the room . i watched him with my heart galloping under my pregnant bump . for nathan , life was no longer obedient and tidy , and his regrets were for that loss of symmetry as much as his guilt at having cut it into bits .
nathan palced the penultimate glass on the draining board . foam flecked his forearms , and his fingers were pink ." your timing , minty , it's late ." pause ." why ?"
43 wivesbehavingbadly
"nathan , what would you say if i went back to work full time ?"
"that again ,: said nathan .
" that again ." i echoed .
seven years ago timom , my boss , had called me into his office at vistemax . on the the door , there was a plaque that read EDOTOR , WEEKEND DIGEST . i remember in particular the emphatic curve of the d . TIMON , WHO MODELED HIMSELF ON GORDON GEKKO . was in full pinstriped suit and braces . " look , we want you to take over from rose ." timon never bothered much with preliminaries .
my skirt was short , the skin of my legs was buffed , creamed , and polished . my heels were high , my hair lustrous with youth . . with the aid of kohl and gray eye shadow , my eyes were darkly inviting . i had dreams of domination : not the sexual kind , but of being able to manage my life effortlessly ." are you sacking rose , timon ?"
he sent me his best gekko look ." you know perfectly well that is what you have been angling for ."
the previous evening , nathan had slipped into my bed , shuddering with emotion . he had left rose . " this is a new beginning ." at that point , he had no intention of marrying me but he craved the transcendence of he love affair . he gazed so deeply into my eyes that he was in danger of x-raying my skull , and i grew uncomfortable with the intensity . nathan was funnyt , tender , and much politer than i was used to in my lovers ." do you mind ?" " may i ?" as we moved this way and that on my cheap , inadequate double bed , sealing his arrival , i told myself that rose did not deserve to keep him .
"that again ,: said nathan .
" that again ." i echoed .
seven years ago timom , my boss , had called me into his office at vistemax . on the the door , there was a plaque that read EDOTOR , WEEKEND DIGEST . i remember in particular the emphatic curve of the d . TIMON , WHO MODELED HIMSELF ON GORDON GEKKO . was in full pinstriped suit and braces . " look , we want you to take over from rose ." timon never bothered much with preliminaries .
my skirt was short , the skin of my legs was buffed , creamed , and polished . my heels were high , my hair lustrous with youth . . with the aid of kohl and gray eye shadow , my eyes were darkly inviting . i had dreams of domination : not the sexual kind , but of being able to manage my life effortlessly ." are you sacking rose , timon ?"
he sent me his best gekko look ." you know perfectly well that is what you have been angling for ."
the previous evening , nathan had slipped into my bed , shuddering with emotion . he had left rose . " this is a new beginning ." at that point , he had no intention of marrying me but he craved the transcendence of he love affair . he gazed so deeply into my eyes that he was in danger of x-raying my skull , and i grew uncomfortable with the intensity . nathan was funnyt , tender , and much politer than i was used to in my lovers ." do you mind ?" " may i ?" as we moved this way and that on my cheap , inadequate double bed , sealing his arrival , i told myself that rose did not deserve to keep him .
42 wivesbehavingbadly
he burned himself once , sought me out , and held out a hand on which glowed a strip ." what do i do ?"
i held his hand under cold water , made him a cup of tea , and asked every hour or so if he was feeling better . for days afterward . i caught him examing it and eavesdropped on his phone conversation to poppy . " it could have been very nasty ."
. indue course , the scab fell away leaving a scimitar scar ." poppy tells me ." nathan was pleased with the information ." that this kind of burn is listened in medical textbooks a as housewife's syndrome ."
i scrutinized my own unscarred wrists ." what does that make you , nathan ?"
"experienced at ironing ," he replied evenly .
i returned downstairs . nathan was not in the study , and i tooked into the sitting room . he had drawn a chair up by the french window . he was staring out through the dark in the direction of the lilac tree and was quite , quite still .
the hairs on the back of neck prickled . in the kichen , the timer shrilled . i took a step into the room ." nathan ?"
he sighed , stirred ." yes .... he looked at me ." what do you want ?"
ahter supper , nathan rooled up his shirsleeves and tackled the glass too delicate for diswasher . it was late , the heating had gone off , and gooseflesh colomized my arms .
he worked in his usual methodical way , running frash hot water into each glass and setting it on the draining board . i tipped the hot water back into the sink , rubbed them with a cloth , and pyut them away .
i held his hand under cold water , made him a cup of tea , and asked every hour or so if he was feeling better . for days afterward . i caught him examing it and eavesdropped on his phone conversation to poppy . " it could have been very nasty ."
. indue course , the scab fell away leaving a scimitar scar ." poppy tells me ." nathan was pleased with the information ." that this kind of burn is listened in medical textbooks a as housewife's syndrome ."
i scrutinized my own unscarred wrists ." what does that make you , nathan ?"
"experienced at ironing ," he replied evenly .
i returned downstairs . nathan was not in the study , and i tooked into the sitting room . he had drawn a chair up by the french window . he was staring out through the dark in the direction of the lilac tree and was quite , quite still .
the hairs on the back of neck prickled . in the kichen , the timer shrilled . i took a step into the room ." nathan ?"
he sighed , stirred ." yes .... he looked at me ." what do you want ?"
ahter supper , nathan rooled up his shirsleeves and tackled the glass too delicate for diswasher . it was late , the heating had gone off , and gooseflesh colomized my arms .
he worked in his usual methodical way , running frash hot water into each glass and setting it on the draining board . i tipped the hot water back into the sink , rubbed them with a cloth , and pyut them away .
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