. after a while , i put it aside and took down his favorite gray suit and laid it on the bed , into the jacket , i fucked his favorite blue office shirt . round the collar went the tie , and red silk . apair of silk socks and polished shoes completed the ensemble .
there , this was the shell of nathan . i could pretend he was there , learning against the pillows , hands folded behind his head . minty , wil you please pay attention .... pillow punched . shoes eased off and discarded . minty , what do you think ?
the bag for the charity shop was on the floor . if i removed the tie from the shell and placed it in the bag , then a part of nathan was gone .. if i took out the shirt , as i now did , and folded it carefully , then another bit of him had vanished . the shoes ... the shoes ? if i dropped them into the bag , then if would be impossible for nathan ever to walk into number 7 and run up the stairs - where are my boys ?
and with the suite went the businessman who formulated strategies and said our competitors are really strong , let us give them a hard time .
" when i married nathan ? " rose confided to me at one of our lunches in the early days . " i was broken - hearted from a love affair that had gone wrong . but nathan was so anxious to make me happy , how could i resist ? he was a rock , and hal was unrehable and what more could i ask ?"
i was not so convinced by by rose's capacity to sort out the rock from the sand . this was a woman who , she also confided to me , used to slip into sr. benedictss . if that was not building a home on sand , i didn't know what was .
" hal could never be what i wanted ." rose added ." we both knew it . but natha was .
downstairs , one of the twins criedd out . i swept the sun into the bag and went to find out which one .felix had had a bad dream ." mummy , there was a big cat with big claws and he wads trying to claw me ...."
i drew his hot little body close and whispered ." it's all right . felix , mummy 's here . i've chased the bad cat away look it's gone ."
it was not all right , yet as i soothed my son with this lie . i took a curious pleasure and pride in its construction , until the boys were big and bold enough to know better , it was my business to shield them from the worsty .
there , this was the shell of nathan . i could pretend he was there , learning against the pillows , hands folded behind his head . minty , wil you please pay attention .... pillow punched . shoes eased off and discarded . minty , what do you think ?
the bag for the charity shop was on the floor . if i removed the tie from the shell and placed it in the bag , then a part of nathan was gone .. if i took out the shirt , as i now did , and folded it carefully , then another bit of him had vanished . the shoes ... the shoes ? if i dropped them into the bag , then if would be impossible for nathan ever to walk into number 7 and run up the stairs - where are my boys ?
and with the suite went the businessman who formulated strategies and said our competitors are really strong , let us give them a hard time .
" when i married nathan ? " rose confided to me at one of our lunches in the early days . " i was broken - hearted from a love affair that had gone wrong . but nathan was so anxious to make me happy , how could i resist ? he was a rock , and hal was unrehable and what more could i ask ?"
i was not so convinced by by rose's capacity to sort out the rock from the sand . this was a woman who , she also confided to me , used to slip into sr. benedictss . if that was not building a home on sand , i didn't know what was .
" hal could never be what i wanted ." rose added ." we both knew it . but natha was .
downstairs , one of the twins criedd out . i swept the sun into the bag and went to find out which one .felix had had a bad dream ." mummy , there was a big cat with big claws and he wads trying to claw me ...."
i drew his hot little body close and whispered ." it's all right . felix , mummy 's here . i've chased the bad cat away look it's gone ."
it was not all right , yet as i soothed my son with this lie . i took a curious pleasure and pride in its construction , until the boys were big and bold enough to know better , it was my business to shield them from the worsty .
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