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. wii come and i'll get credit  blacklisted if i don't do something soon ..."
at this point . i interrupted .' poppy . listen to . have you stopped playing ? that's the first step ."
"of course i have ."
poppy was a hopeless liar ." i don't believe you .poppy ."
 the situation  was still too delicate  for the direct  approach ,  and i had been chimsy . she turned savage  ." it's none of your business . i can deal with it . if you can just arrange for  the money , then it  will be sorted ."
a lifetime of self-help manuals came to my rescue ." why don't you go and talk to someone ." i lowered my voice ." poppy i can find out who ."
there was more choking ." i miss dad it's like  having a hole  in the head  . why did he have to die  ?" silence , and then her bleak , disembodied voice at the other end of the line ." i wish i was dead ."
i glanced at the clock . i had one hour precisely  in hand , but it would be put to better use than in pressing the jacket  that wass next up on the list ." hang on  , poppy ." i felt the trill of stepping  into  untrodden terrotory ." i can come over ."
'no" she said  ." don't ."
eve  was lying in the farthest bed from the entrance to the ward , which i imagined  gave her a modicum  of peace . the traffic in ad  out was staggering - trolleys , visitors , doctors in white coats .
she was propped up on pillws and her color matched the linen ." hallo ,  mrs lloyd ."
"eve , are you feeling  better ?" i placed a basket of front on her bedside table and drew up a chair . she was too exhausted .to talk much , so i held her hand and stroked  her fingers . the gesture seemed to please  her for she smiled family and and closed her eyes . after a while , i went in search of information .

267 wivesbehavingbadly

. " i bet you didn't try hard enough ."
"actually , i did i put feelers out , and it was clear that i would not get anywhere . i'm afraid the ball's back in your court . you'll have to deal ."
"hmm . you sound like sam . all bossy and older  sibling . and the second thing ?"
"i've spoken to theo . i'm afraid the money  won't be forth  comming just yet . he could not  say exactly  when it would be ."
"oh , my god .poppy said .a note of despertion had crept into her voice ." are you sure , absolutely sure ?"
i did not have time , nor , to be truhful , , the inclination . to take on poppy's woes . this was the girl who had dressed up in black for for my wedding called her father- and by extension  me -an old goats and deliberately mucked up family . christmasses , she and i did not have a relationship where . if one was in trouble , the other one said .hng on , i'm coming at once ."
actual all reason , i took a dep breath ,poppy , i suspect you have got yourself into trouble over the poker . am i right ?"
there was a ching sob ." i can't tell you ."
"actually , you can ."
it took a little more urging and probing but eventually ppoppy confessed ." pooker got a grip on me . i don't how . it's a myster how quickly . i became wrapped up up in it . i lie wawake at night and ask myself how . then i borrowed money  because i didn't win and i can't afford to pay it back . i couldn't  pay off my credit  card , so i borrowed it from one of those firms who promise the world and forget to tell  you that the interest is unbelievable . a career  in candle isn't big beans ...well , it's a career  in candle . need i say more ? i can't tell richard  , becaude , he would be horrified . i can't tell  richard , because he would be horrified . i can't tell mun , and the bailiffs .

286 wivesbehavingbadly

. " your mother could have said no ."
an impatient noise sped down the line  ." don't you know by now  that muni puts up with everything  ?"
"i'm not sure i agree , poppy ."
" she has  sme crazy  idea that dad would want  her to look out for them .i've told her she shouldn't stand for it . richard  says you should make your own arrangement ."
despite my best inentins , i was stung by the last . our occasional rueful  exchanges had seemed to indicate that richard and i understood each other ." dose he really ?"
"um . well , we both agree ."
it was a fair bet that richard had said  nothing of the sort . " poppy ..."  i said  ." i'm ding the best i can , thing are difficult at the moment . and the boys are more important than anything else ."
"and ?"
" i was affraid that might lose my job if  i didn't turn up ."
even to say  the words caused sweat to break out  on my top lip.
"can't you  negotiate  ? there 's legislation for this kind  of contigency ." pause ." i wouldn't stand for it , minty ."
" i expect yu would if you had to  ." my knees was had turned  sharky ." there is theory  , and then there is practice ."
"oh , for  goodness sake ."
i glanced round the kitchen . without eve , it was showing signs of neglect . there was dust  on the windowsill , spilled coffee grounds  by the rubbish  bin , and a couple of dirt saucepans waiting for attention beside the sink .
 " by the way , two things  . poppy . i don't think it would do good if i intervened in filly . sam situation . i got a polite brush -of from sam .

285 wivesbehavingbadly

.            chapter twenty one
 before twenty four  hours had elaped poppy was on the phone .  minty , i don't think it's a good idea to use my mther as a fallback nanny ."
as it happened . i agreed with her ." did rose put it that way .?"
"not exaxtly , but she told me you rang up at the last munite  and begged her to step in ." she added ." i object ."
" i had to find someone to look  after  the boys ."
"you 're their  mother . don't you  understand now it would have upset  her ?"
i reminded myself that poppy  had no children . as a result , she did not  have the faintest idea ,poppy had not  lain naked  and trussed and  given birth annid  what  resemble  a cocktail party  . she did not lie awake at night  entertaing that special brand of parental imaginning . luucas might run out int  the road  when a lorry just happens to be coimg down it at full speed . she  did not understand that adaptation  was survival . furthermore  ,  poppy , had no idea  how a part of fair , tousled  heads had a way  of  sneaking past every defense .

284 wivesbehavingbadly

. " that was not my question ."
"but it's my answere  ." she said gently .  she rugged at the door latch .
"here , let me ." i  pulled handle ." the lock is tricky ."
" oh , i know that " said rose ." it always  was ."

283 wivesbehavingbadly

. " a dead man ?" felix's eyes widened in alarm .
"no ."
' a whales "
'i'll tell you ." said   rose  .' it was  a suitecase with R . PEARSON  painted on it  . inside  it there  were tins of peas ."
i scuffed a foot on the carpet  and rose turned . our eyes locked   and her arms tightened possessively around the twins .
" look who's here ...."
' yes ."  i said ." it's your mumy ."
rose stood in the hall with her bag over her ashoulder ." good bye , boys . see you soon ." she handed over the front door  key ." theyu were no trouble ." one thing was absolutely  settle with regard to the situation  between . rose and me  .
i was in the wrong . the black - hearted villain of the piece . and rose   was the person  to whom   wrong  had been done .
which left me - if one accepted  the determinist argument- free to continue to  err ." nathan loved you ." i said ." he always did ."
suddently rose laughed .' oh my god , the tables have turned ." she choked a little . "  don't you see  how funny it is ."
she  held out  bring myself  to take her hand ." i'll work  on it ."
rose soberted up . and her face now registered sadness and regret  ." i think nathan  did love me ,  despite everything ."
"but you ." i pushed it further ." did you ..."
rose moved toward the door ."i've done you a favor today . minty . let's leave it at that . " she placed a hand on the catch ." for the record . nathan , having done it once , would never have left the  twins . and he would  never have regretted  having them ever ."

282 wivesbehavingbadly

. rose nodded ." exactly the  same ."
lucas seized  a pad  and a green pen . felix  held back ." these  are my blyue  socks ." he informed  rose  and stuck out  a leg  ." daddy liked them ."
rose looked  steadily at sock and the small foot made  it , and tears  spilled down  her cheeks .
i turned away .
as i left the house , i glanced into the kitchen  . rose was  leaning aqgainst the table , one legs  swinging  and the twins were  drawing , rose was saying ." did you know that your daddy  loved  swiming ? once lie  swam  so fat out  to sea  that we had  to go  and get the boat to  rescue him ."
in a manner of speaking  . i was  gazing into thhe heart of my darkness  , however brightly  it was .
" good bye , boys " i  hitched my bag onto  my shoulders ." be good ."
they barely glanced  up ." bye mummy ."
 at six o'clock on the dot  i let myself noiselessly into te house  .rose  was  ensconced   with a boy on either  side  on the sofa  in the sitting room . she had her arms around  them ." then your daddy got hold of the fishing line and pulled . he pulled and ppulled ..."
so intent  were all three  that they did not hear me come in . rose lifted a hand absently stroked felix 's hair . he snuggled farther  into her .
' do you  know what was on that fishing liner ?"
" the biggest   fish ." lucas held up his hands ." as big as this ...?"
"no "