170 wiveasbehavingbadly

" yes , your , daddy ...."
felix picked up blanky , hauled it on board , and climbed back into a position against me : a warm , surprisingly solid weight  for his sixe .
" daddy oved you very much ," i said , nd drew them closer , " and he will always be with us , but i am afraid something happened to im ....." i found myself choking , and struggled o continue , " he got very ill , and his heart could not beat any longer , and he died , he's gone away and he won't be coming back ."
lucas busrt into tears , " daddy promised to come to the football ."
\i experienced an overwhelrming sence of heaviness and defeat ." lucas , dady can't come to the football ." i took his little hand and striked it . he would come if he could ,"
" he's gone up into the sky  . he can probably see us , and he'll think about all the time . i'm going to take care of you , and we shall be together  but we shall think about him a lot , won't we , boys . "
felix wriggled out of my embrace and went over to window ." naughty daday ," he said angrily ."
" daddy's not naughty , " felix ," i said . " he can't help it ."
" naughty , naughty  ," felix repeated . then he said ." there 's tigger in the road ."
" come back , felix ."
but he shook his head and remained stubbornly by the window . lucas sighed and looked up at me ." does that mean we'll be getting a new daddy to drive the car ?"

169 wivesbehavingbadly

" a list " i exclaimed ." you made a list when you have so many other things to do ."
" that 's what friends are for ....." marin hanged it over "{ it helps to have something concrete to think about ."
" how are paige and bably ?"
he frowned a trifle ." they're  fine . i'm not sure how much rest paige is getting ."
" are the night bad ?"
" i'm in the spare room at the moment ."
it was getting dark , and the lights needed to be turned on , but i did nothing about it . matin and i sat in the kitchen while dusk crept in , and i was grateful , oh so grateful . for his oresentce .
" no story tonight ." i said to the boys ." i want to talk to you ."
they were scrubbed , shining , hopeful ." it's about daddy ."
two thrusting pairs of eyes fixed on me . i patted felix's bed . "come and sit beside me ."
felix settle on my right . lucas on my left . i put my arms round them and held on tight . felix wriggled free , slid down from the bed , and fetched the very hungry caterpillar . he held it out to me with both hands . i shook my head ." no story tonight , felix ."
" daddy ..... " i faltered and stopped , " he ......" i was searching for the right words , the best possible ones . i was searching for control . that i must exrt . i was searching to help them  travel through a grief-stricken future .
daddy ...." lucas was confident and giggly ." our daddy "

169 wivesbehavingbadly

" fair division between parties ," someone had scribled violently in the margin ." i shoulld be so lucky ." who sent it ? i inquired of eve . but she said she had not recognized the woman .
wills and probate lay on the kitchne table in front of me . i supposed the rest of the world was saying on very nicely without nathan . chris sharpe had , in all probability , enjoyed a good  day . peter shaker's would not have been too bad eother , except , perhaps , for the odd jab of conscience . i felt sorry for carrolyne , who would be caught between loyalty to her husna=band .and her stricy=t  notions of what was correct . booting nathna put in favor of peter woul;d not come under her heading of the later .
someone walked into the kitchen ." martin ."
he palced a cling - wrapped pyrex dish on the table and bent over to kiss my check ." i came as soon as i could and i've brought a macarom and cheese ."
i cast around for the polite response , any response ." lucas loves macarom and cheese ."
he sat beside me and took both my hands in his ." oaige asked linds to make it ." there was a pause ." this is terrible .
minty , but you will survive . that's what i 've come to tell you . it might seem that you won't , but you will ."
his grasp was cool and firm , and i was grateful for it ." keep telling me that , martin ."
" i have every intertion of doing so ."
the macaron and cheese had been made to perfecttion with a crip crust on top ." i'm not sure what to do first  ."
martin let go of my hands . and extracted a piece of paper from his breast pocket ." i've made a list ." he said . cobbled  together from what i remember when my parents died . . funeral arrangements ....."

167 wivesbeghavingbadly

gisela's lips barely moved . " nathan had had good innings ."
" let's hope roger can he philosophical when it's his turn to head back to the pavillion ."
 with a touch of panic , gisela said ," there 's no need minty  ..."
" roger really concluded that peter shker was a better man than nathan ?"
gisela smoothed the cuff of her dazzling shirt ." is this the right time to discuss all this it's impossible to be rational ."
" oh , rationlity ," i said ." it 's overrated ."
i got up and went to half-moon table .; very gently , i lifted the clock and placed a on the mantepiece in the space that nathan had always intened for it .
gisela picked her bag ." i must go , but remember . roger will help if he can . i will help all i can with with the arrangements . if you like ."
i heard myself cry ." why did roger do it ?"
gisela put down her bag again . placed her hands on my shoulders , and looked deply into my eyes ." that is the way it is ,. nathan did it to others , remember ."
" but it killed him ."
 the pressure on shoulders increased  ." nathna liked his whiskey , he had a stressful job , he had a ... busy ...home life . alarge family . those things contribute . no , it wasn't getting the sack , minty . nathan 's heart condition killed him ."
the doorbell continuted to ring . but i let eve deal with it .each time , she returned bearing something . abottle of wine with a label that real ." condolences ." a paperback entitled wills and probate . the front cover was  coffee stained and many of the papers were dog- eared . in the section entiled . 14 , 4 , 3

166 wivesbehavingbadly

" i can't do much for you , minty , except help woth the small things . heree's the name of a good florist . just tell them what you want for nathan , and they 'll undersatnd ."
florist ? " thank you . " my lips were trembling ." did roger say how nathan was yesterday ?" gisela made a play of stowing the dnotebook back in her bag ." i'd like to know what he said and how he looked ."
" all right ." gisela seemed to have been expecting my question ." roger was dreading the meeting . anthan was a froend , no , don't look like that , mitny , you know it , as well as i do . roger gave the news to him straight , at first , anthan did not say much ," gisel paused ." roger said he walked pver to window and turned his back on him . it was shock . he said , and he needed a minute or two . then he went on the attack and told roger the decision was crazy and wrong . furthermore , vistermax did not need destabilizing at the moment ."
" nathan fought back ." to those who knew him intimately , the signs would have been readable . when he tightened his mouth , things were not good for the opposition . if he dug a hand into a trouser pocket , the strategy had been worked out .
" i have never seen roger so sad , so rattled . at the .... prospect of doing it ." gisela offered ." and nathan gave him a very , very hard time ."
" gisela , nathan was about to lose everything ."
" not everything . he had you and the boys . that was one of the points . roger reckoned that he might be quite glad of period at home to see more  of the twins ."
astonished , i stared at gisela . " nathan  was sacked because roger thought he'd make a good nany ?"