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.  the twins wriggled , frieda made a face , and the adults drank  our toast . absent friends .
at which point , frieda threw herself back  in her chair and overbalanced ." oh , for goodness sake , " said jilly , " i told you  not to do that ." then she remembered it was christmasd and wipe the frown off her face ." come here , sweetheart , i'll kiss you better ."
sam produced a digital camera ." okay . best smiles ." he ordered ." mum can you move up a bit . frieda , sit still . lucas . can you get onto your mum 's lap ? thank you ."
we held our  posses , there were several clicks , and sam fiddled  with the camera ." have a look ," he said passed it round .
rose was in the middle of the group , with jilly beside her . richard's eyes were red . lucas had moved at the crucial moment and , consequently  was a little blurred . felix  was pointing at something ,poppy was gazing at richard . and myself ? i was positioned in theleft-hand corner of the photo . looking tired , which was not surprising ." it's quite good of you , minty ."
poppy commented  and  handed the camera back to sam .
rose sat herself down beside me ." i've been thinking about the garden , as you asked . we couldput the catmint over by the fwence . it would fit well there and leave space for the boys to play , what do you think ?"
a candle guttered and i leaned forward to shield the flame . it was hot against my flash , and i flinched ." mum ..." shrieked felix ." mum ...can we have presents ? "
the flame steadied , and i took my hand away .

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poppy had been a little sour about the family decision to hold chrismas lunch at number 7 ." richard and i could almost be offended , " she pointed out , " and our house is bigger ."
she had been mollified , however , when it wa arranged that lily and frieda would drive p from  bath , sam would fly in from the states , and they would  stay with poppy for a couple of days . jilly was pregnant again and , in the latest bulletin ,  sam announced that they had agreed she wouls remain in the UK until after the birth -" we couldn't affort to have a baby in the states  " then join sam in austin .
the boys  and i chose the christmas  tre from the trader at the coner of lakey street and brought it home , with a selection of particularly  nasty colord baubles and and colored lights with which they had fallen in love , it had been no use protesting that silver balls and white lights were prettier  . they simply did not see it . any idea i might have cherished of a sophisticated , elegant tre disintegrate in the face of a determined pair of twins .
after all , and after everything  , it was their tree .
we put it up in the hall . felix and lucas did their best to hold it stead while i crawled underneath to screw it into the stand . the three of us stood back to assess  thje effect ." mummy , "
pronounced felix seriously  ." it's a bit croooked ." i bit my lip . this had been nmathan 's job , and  he had been expert in the fine-tuning , i saw " addy " float through their minds , and i said ." you're so picky  , felix ." but i crawled back underneath the pine-scented  branches and thought : you  should see me now , nathan .
i planned everything down to the last detail , presents .... bath oil for the women , which i emploed syriol to wrap , who was keen to earn a bit extra , and a good bottle  of wine each for the men . food .... the turkey , ready - made gravy , cranberry sauce , bread sauce , vegetables , and pudding was to be delivered from  the supermarket .i reconked i could manage to peel the brussels  sprouts and potatoes with the boys 's help .
 a big smile plastered across her wan face . eve had flown home on christmas  eve with so much luggage - mostly sweaters and socks from marks  &  spencer - that i was convinced she would not get through check -in .
i had filled  the stockings several days previously .
on christmas day . i had been  up at dawn laying the table . having thought long and hard about ther placements , i decided that sam should be at the head with his mother . richard was at the other end of the table  with me . poppy had volunteered to sit the twins on their side of her to keep an eye on them . you are to make decent conversation , i admonished them ." what's decent ? " asked felix .
sam arrived early straight from te airport . he was tired , unshaven , and foul breathed . i sent him up to the spare bedroom , where he could wash and brush up in peace . the rest arrived hlaf an hour later .
there was confusion as  to whther the presents should be openned before  or after lunch , but i put my foot down  and announced that lunch would burn if we delayed ,, sam carved and richard poured the wine . poppy had provided the candle 9 red and glittering ) , which to behonest , would not have been my first choice , and played cat's cradle with the twins while the food  was served . with one arm round frieda . rose talked earnestly to jilly .
no one paid me much attention , but that was fine , particularly as i was busy in the kitchen . that was how i wanted it . as we sat and ate , conversation  flew back and forth across the table , little  snippets of gossip , an old joke  , a snatch of reminiscence . only so much could have  been decided that they were jumping beans and richard had to swap places to try to help poppy control them .
when i emerged from the kitchen with two puddings burning merrily , there was smattering of applause . i sat down , exhausted , speechless , and not hungry . at that moment , rose sent me a little  smile .
we discussed jet lag ." i've been caking melatonin ," sam rubbed his face , " but it's not great ."
" you should try arnica . the pills , i mean ." rose said .
"it mght be better if you didn't quaff huge quantities of wine on board ." poppy leaned over to poke her brother ." eh ?"

" who are you to lecture on behavior ?" sam grinned all the same . " i know where your secret are buried ." for a second , poppy's eyes were dark with terror . under the table , i felt for her hand . after a moment .poppy's  fingers tightened  on mine  . sm continued ." who snitched the chocolate bunny from gavin in the fifth form ? that's  whaty i want to know ."
after the pudding sam got to his feet , wineglass  in hand . " we need a toast , " he said ." absent friends ."
" dad ....." cried one of the twins and i swiveled round to see which .
there followed one of the heartbreaking emotin-filled silences that no one wanted to last .

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. when the twins had been strapped into their seats , rose and i drove off in opposite  directions . before she disappeared , rose tooted her horn .
i drove back throught the streets , where people made their way home from work . it seemed that there were couples everywhere . hand in hand , talking . sharing a bottle of water or chips , some had their arms round each other . one man had his hand tucked into the pocket of his girlfriend's jacket . at the corner of albert bridge road and battersea  bridge road , another couple was wrapped in each other's arms . as i drove past , i caught a glimpse of the girl's face . it was enraptured , salight ,  quivering with a new dawn .
my eyes smarted with tears .
i had not read a self-help  manual in weeks , for one thing . i had hunted down the statistics ." the most likely customer for a book on any given topic ."  concluded one researcher , " was someone who had bought a similar tome with the past eihteen months  , " . this begged the question : if self-help manual are  so good at solving the problem , why would you need to buy another on the same subject ?
" what was it that rose told you to remember ?" i asked the boys eventuallly .
lucas went , " roar , roar . that's the dinosaur eating the horse ."
"  they weren't hoprses , " said felix ." not then ."
"boys , what  did rose ask you to remember ?"
in the rear mirror , i watched  felix brow wrinkle wirth effort , " she said we looked more like daddy every day , " he said .
i flicked my finger over my cheek where the tears continute ued to run . rule number six of the rules governing my life is taken from something rose said . it states : youmust hold on , for this too will pass .

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. she locked the car and , boys in in tow , we moved off in the direction of the pond .
" lucas  didn't eat eat much lunch ," rose reported ." he was too excited  . there  was an exhibilittion about . tyrannosayrus rex . the moded ate model prey and snapped its jaws . lucas was transfix , and felix ..... well , i am not sure  that he liked it much ."
" was it crowed ?"
"was it crowded ?"
we circumnavigated the pond once , and that was enough . it was scummy and the coucil's attempts to landscape it had only gone so far before the money had run out  . it was too cold . by mutual consent , we retraced our steps to the cars , "  what are you up to ?" i asked rose .
"after chrismas  i'm off to see had at the farm . i haven't seen him for weeks , " her face registered anticipation and pleasure ." after that , viet viet , i think . there's a piece i've got to do ."
we stood by the cars . " thank you so much for taking them today , " i said . " i'm so grateful , " i fished in my pocket for my car keys , which had become attched to half a boiled sweet i had given to lucas the last time he had felt carsick . roseextracted her keys from a brilliant green lizard-skin handbag and zapped the lock . "next time , i'll take them to the zoo . when it gets warner ."
we leaned toward each other , an awkward second elapsed as we clashed cheeks and exchanged the lightest of kisses .
" thanks , " i said again .
" that's fine ." she kissed felix and lucas on the tops of their heads ." be good boys , and remember what i told you ."

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. a stack of quick-fire calculations snapped through my brain . eve needed a break . she needed her mother . four days in a coach was not a rest . i neededd eve , well and strong , as she herself wished to be ." i'll pay your airfare , and you must go as soon as we can arrange it ."
as i went upstairs , prepareing for riot duty , the rest of the calculation slooted into place .  what with the hit taken on my finances with the loan to poppy , eve's  airfare equaled a   reduction in the chrismas present list . it definitely put paid to the haircut , and the cost of her replacement would , no doubt , see off any strictly unnessary seaonal frivolity , but that , i supposed , it what unnessary meant . you could do wiyhout it .
it was the day before chrismas eve , the kind of day that paraded a weak  sun as a joke . i eased the car into  the parking slot and got out . it was very cold , and i zipped up my fleece , a powder blue , then  turned up the collar . i could smell frosted leaf mold and the faintes whiff of frying fat coming from a van selling snacks parked farther up .
i was relishing the moment of freedom , and allowing my mind to drift , before i took up the slack in the reins and pulled them tight . moments  such as these kept me sane .
i was contemplating getting back into the warm car , when  a smart siver coupe' drew up and prked in in the space beside mine .
one of the passenger doors  flung open and lucas tumble out ." mum ... " he was followed  closely  by  felix .
" mum ...." both of them were clutching picture books with an illustration if dinosaur on the front . i knew this because felix virtually pressed his into my face.

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. no food , he backed off at once ." i was only thinking of you ." he said .
on the way home . i passsed paige's house . the front garden was looking ultrasmart because the gardener had recently completed the autumn spring clean ."  " you  can't call it a spring clean ," i had pointed out to paige when i phoned her the previous day . i can call it what i like was her reply .
" has martin been to see you ?"
paige bristled , " i wish you wouldn't interfere ."
"and ?"" he's here at the weekend , but i'm not taking him back . minty , as i'm far too busy with the children to be married ."
the scene when i finally got throgh the door of number 7 was much  as i had pictured it . eve had collapsed  into a chair in the kitchen , and a small riot  was going on in the boys 's bedroom . one of eve's hands lay on the table  , so white and thin that it alarmed me .
first i tackled her ." look ," i addressed the slumped figure ." this is not good . it's been going on for months , and you havn't got really better . you need  and i was startled by the light in her eyes ." go back ? she gulped a lungful of air - as if she was already breathing in the scents of river and mountains of her home .
that decidewd it . " you must go home for two weeks , see your family , rest , then come back ."
" i get coach ." eve hauled herself to her feet , and her smile was pure joy . " i telephone . now ."
" no , that's a two-day journey both ways , no , you .
" the moneys ."

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. his kindness was unexpected , and i was still having trouble with kindness . it tened to reduce me ." yes . but i'm coming to terns with it and making my way ."
i need not have wasted my energy : chris's kindness was merely a vehicle for other consideration .
minty , it might be better if you were working for a bigger organization which would have more slack for someone in your predicament . a very real predicament ."
there was no point in getting angry . if i was to survive at paradox until such times as i wished to leave on my own terms . i could not be angry ." are you suggesting or telling me ?"
he smiled gently , and i could  not decide whether it was genuine or not ." friend , in this business it doesn't  help to have additional pressures . a company as tight as paradox needs to know it's functioning optimally with no unnecessary drag . you need to know that when problems arise , there is no problem in dealing with them , if you see what i mean ."
" sweet of you . chris ," i murmured .
in the ol;d days , i would have deploed sex - which nathan fell for . i would have opened my eyes , looked up from beneath the slids , and have made sure my cleavage  was in the correct line of sight . i might have said ." -how nice of you to take aninterest ," which would have introduced a faint chime of promise , sufficient to push chris off the track . i'm not saying that i have come to desptie such tactics , or would never use  them again , only that sex took time , the bys ewould be waiting for me .
instead i placed the last of my notes in my bad and fastened it ." chris , perhaps  it would be better not to pursure  this conversation . if you are trying to suggest that as a working mother . i'm a liability . it could get you into trouble ...."

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. the programs have to be honest and say things that most people only think . children do change you . you don't alwayus love them . parents do fail as arents . it is lonely ."
" any upside ?" asked chris .
'oh yes ," i replied ." plenty ." i felt my heart squezze .  " but i will leave that thetreatment  i had prepared and handed it to barry ." we want it fast  , colorful , daring , and i think BBC  1 should be target ."
chris frowned , barry gazed thoughtfully  , at kyoto rip .
" minty , thanks ," barry said ." not quite convinced , but i'll think about it . we'll talk ."
" think massive audience ." i said .
chris came into my office as i was shifting my paoers into order . he closred the door and leaned against it ." i wantd to chew the cud about a few things , minty ."
" sure ," i clicked off my computer screen . as i did so , i noticed that my wedding ring much looser and a vein running down my hand stood out in bas-relief . not a good sign , film  stars had hang lifts for less .
" you heard we got the carlton deal for the documentary on the pope ?" he snapped his fingers . " should boost the quarterly  fingures ."
" is that what you wanted to talk to me about ? i would love to talk about it but could we do it tomorrow ? i have to get home ."
chris levered himself away from the door and perched against my desk . suddenly , my small office was very cramped the hazed eyes gleamed ." you've bad a touch year , minty ."

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. " i think you're right ."
marcus 's rightness , however , was of no help to him ." what can she possibly gain with roger ? the dullness of such an existence .... and i'm the one who loved her , ot roger ."
with regret , i noted the past tense ." it's not dull , marcus ,"
i pointed out ," it's diffrent ."
barry stopped prowling and pointed at kyoto-rip  ." i'll take that one ." he pushed his face close to marcus 's ." now , you are sure i won't be throwing my money away ?"
marcus did not even blink ." nothing is vcertain ."
so that was how shiftaka had come to to grace the walls at paradox .
" minty ." barry finally came to an end ." do you want to go ahead ?"
i pulled my notes toward me ." okay . remember last year we discussed an idea for middle age . it didn't work . but this will . three-part series on being a parent . baby love . the format  ? each section to be an hour , featuring expert talking heads and personal experiences of parents . the programs will ask : what are the stresses and strains of being a parent ? can you ever prepare for it  ? how does it affect a man  or a woman physically  or emotionally  ? how sort of impact do children have on marriages , friendships ? how can if affect you if you become a stepparent to older children ? how do you manage as a lone parent ?"
good question . how do you manage a lone parent ?
chris raised an eyebrow  . then he clearedd his throat and made a note .
i continuted , " the trick will be to handle the materialin a fresh , bold manner , and to not be afraid to tackle the difficult  aspects of being a parent .

Người đầu tiên lên Mặt Trăng an nghỉ giữa đại dương

Theo Cơ quan hàng không vũ trụ Mỹ (NASA), hài cốt của phi hành gia huyền thoại người Mỹ Neil Armstrong đã được thủy táng trong một nghi thức đám tang trang trọng diễn ra hôm thứ Sáu (14/9), trên tàu hàng không mẫu hạm USS Philippine Sea giữa Đại Tây Dương.

Bà Carol Armstrong (đội mũ đen) tại buổi lễ thủy táng chồng là Neil Armstrong. Ảnh: NASA

Neil Armstrong – người đầu tiên đặt chân lên Mặt trăng ngày 21/7/1969 – đã qua đời hôm 25/8/2012 (thọ 82 tuổi) sau biến chứng từ ca phẫu thuật tim.

Trên tàu có trang bị một khẩu súng trường để nổ súng trong nghi lễ thủy táng. Tham dự nghi lễ có sự tham dự của vợ ông Neil Armstrong là bà Carol Armstrong và đội kèn tiễn biệt.

Bà Carol Armstrong thả bình đựng tro cốt Neil Armstrong xuống đại dương. Ảnh: NASA

Tham dự nghi lễ còn có ông Michael Collins và Buzz Aldrin – đồng nghiệp của Neil Armstrong trên chuyến bay của phi thuyền Apollo 11 – chặng cuối cùng trong đoạn đường dài khát vọng chinh phục Mặt trăng của con người.

Trước đó một ngày, NASA đã tổ chức lễ tưởng niệm ông ở thủ đô Washington.

Armstrong nổi tiếng toàn thế giới với phát biểu khi ông đặt chân lên Mặt trăng: “Đây là bước chân nhỏ của con người, nhưng lại là bước tiến vĩ đại của nhân loại”.

Thiên Nhiên

327 wivesbehavingbadly

. shiftaka's painting depicted an abstract , finger , half flesh , half skeleton , lying on a bed of glowing coals . the colors were voilent reds , the blacket of blacks , and a white background that could only be described as dirty . the label read  : KYOTO RIP  . te  jury  was still out as to whether . i consider shiftaka a good painter or not , but i am working hard on y " uneducated " eye , still , if barry thinks shiftaka is cutting edge , it was a bargain .
when i had taken barry to view it at marcus's gallery , marcus had been sitting  at the desk , head  bent over the laptop , at our entrance , he looked up and i was shocked  he appeared considerably  older than i remembered . he took a second  or two to place me and when he did  , there was an unmistakable  flare  of hope  in his eyes  , which was as quickly extinguished when it became obvious that i was  not gisela's envoy .
i introduced the two men and explained that barry was looking for an investment . marcus  swiung into professional mode - an ease of manner , patience , careful sizing up of a potential client - and i thought what a much nicer man he was  than roger .
while barry patrolled between the two rooms , marcus turned to me and asked , in his unexpectelly deep voice , " how 's gisela ?"
" fine , i think . i haven't  seen much of her lately ."
he choose not to indulge in small talk - another  factor  in his favor - and went straight to the point ." she didn't seem  to understand that i didn't want a wife . i wanted her . not someone who stockpiles jam and checks over  the dinner  menus , but when it came to a a decision , i think she preferred  it . gisela had got used to being a professional wife ."

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.       chapter  tweny-four
it was friday , four weeks before chrismas . in the meeting room at paradox  i watched the clock inch past five-thirty . barry was in full flow and was not going to stop . what he had to say was interesting but i wished he had said it earlier in the day .
chriss propped his head in one hand . during a pause , he looked up . he had spotted my sneaking for the clock ." are you in a hurry , minty ?"
"not at ll ," i replied coolily .
"we're coming to you in a minute , minty ." barry said .
in a feeble attempt to revcognize the season , syriol had draped a string of fairy lights over the picture on the wall . it was by shiftaka , and i had persuaded berry that it would be a good investment when he had decided to plogh aa portion of paradox's profits into an asset .( when i pointed out that his employees might be considered assets , barry grinned and said he needed fixed assets , )

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. if she ever needs it and asks you for help with the boys . or even if she doesn't ask you , please will you do it .?"
i put down the letter , picked up my bag , and got to my feet ." why didn't you tell me about this ? i know , i hurt you beyond words , but you should have told me ."
rose's respone was everything easier to bear ."
" yes , i suppose it would . but i wasn't tinking about you , minty ."
so rose had taken her revenge on me with her silence . and i could have expected no better and no less .
my head swam , and i wanted very badly to go home . i managed to say ." i never loved him properly . truly , probably . i was weeping openly ." it's in the letter ."
rose folded loving nathan the way he wanted . it was inevitable . there was no other way of surviving ."
we looked at each other . in that exchange lay past , which we had shared , mourned , and regretted . she picked up the padded envelope ." one more things . he asked theo to send this to me . i think it is a diary of sorts . i haven't read it , minty . or only a little bit . i couldn't  . i think you should take it .'"
she placed the evelop[e in my hands , and i peered inside . it was the missing notebook .
that too had gone to rose .
the hardest thing of all to govern is the heart , and i had finally understood that i could not blame nathan for struggle with his . if one's own nature  and impulses are unfathomable .then to read into other  minds to make sense of the  rage , passion , and loyaltis that he within them is impossible .
in our separate ways , rose , nathan , and i had cheated one another and in doing so , cheated ourselves ." i must try harder rose . to  make something out of this ," i said .
"yes ," she said ." yes, we must ."
on my return home , the boys , who had been watching for me at the window , ran out to fgreet me . i scooped them up and hustled them inside . i closed thre front door , leaned against it . and breathed in deeply .

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. oh ... go to cornwall . a million things ." my fingers pressed rose's ." i think he felt desperately a lone ."
rose took awway her hand  ." i'm going to show you a letter , minty ." she went over to the desk in the corner , picked up a padded postage packet , pulled out an evelope , and handed it over .
i spread out two closely writen sheets of writing paper ." my dearest rose..." "" dearest" meant closest to the hearyt ." i have no right to ask what i am going to ask , but i have an idea  iyt might be necessary . if you receive this letter , which i am lodging with theo ,  then i will have judged correctly  .
" i am writing to ask you to remember that you were once good friend with minty . if you are reading this  , it means she is on her own with the twins . of course , i have no idea  how long that it might be for . when i came over to see you in the flat . i asked you if you would be a guardian if anything should happen to me , , and to her  , and the boys were still underage , and you said you would consider it . i can't think of anyone beter to ask . it is a huge thing to lay on you , especially given our history , but i know through angd through , rose , and there is no one i trust more ..."
for  a moment , i i could not continue , " oh , nathan ..."
"are you okay ?" asked rose .
i noded ." all i can say in mitigation for my actionas toward you is that the complications of feelings and impulse us to strange places . they certainly took me away from you , whom i loved , to minty . but i loved minty too and i want to say the following , there is so much in her to admire ( you spotted it first   when you became friends ) and that still holds thrue . it has been diffuicult for her , and not as she expected , thus . i ask you again ,

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this is a man who's lost his stffing and brimstone , and the thought flashed through my mine that it was better to be dead than a failure ." i put down my wineglasss ." the question is , did i wish nathan's death on him , rose ?" did i ?"rose swirled her ewine round her glass ." when nathan left , i thioiught how much easier it would have been as a window . not as the dumped wife , for  a start , no one could have said it was my fault , unless  i'd fed him hamberger and chips every night . if he had died , the situation would have been easier to handle ."
"yes ."
"probably ," i conceded ." i wanted it and i reckoned loyaltty in the office was an old -fashioned concept ."
"and now ?"
i thouight of chris  sharpe ." much the same ." i looked down at the carpet  ." was nathan trying to humiliate me when he asked  that you be made aq  guardian ?"
"perhaps he was thinking of what's best for the boys ."
"perhaps ."
rose took my hand . the touch of her flash on mine was unexpected ." minty , what you don't understand is .... i had got away . final . at last . i had stopped dreaming about nathan . i wasn't about to involve myself in his life again . i had cut him off ."
i allowed my hand to rest in hers and told her what festered in mind mine ." i never loved him ,. rose , not truly . not , really truly . not heart , soul , body and mind . he knew he was getting older and wanted different things , and i was not  going to make it easy . if i'd loved him .

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, sam and poppy suffered . you may think that they were too old , but they weren't and they did , i blame you and nathn for that . there was nothing  , i could do to help them . you can't inflict your anger and regret on your children ." she twirled her glass between her fingers ." i won't let you ."
a tiny pulse beat in rose's temple and , no doubt , one did in mine . i fixed on the blank television screen  in the corner of the room ." i'm truly sorry about poppy and sam ." for good measure , i threw in , " poppy has taken it out on me . she's a fighter ."
rose bent down and picked up a mother -of-pearl button from the carpet ." thast 's poppy for you . and sam ? he's strugling a bit at the moment . i am a little worried about  him and jilly ...i want to be around to help , but i'm busy , earning a living  and getting  on with my life , and they have to sort themselve out .  ." her voice was  tender ." much ....much as i love them ." the tenderness excluded me . she continued in a kinder voice ." grief saps the confidence  , minty . i can tell you that . but itt can be fine , in the end . believe me ." she gestured at the room ." when nathan left , i felt i'd failed myself   and the children  , but i survived . it took blood and tears , but i did it ." she balanced the button on the palm of her hand ." nathan did what he wanted to do . i xfailed to see that he was changing as he grew older . and why shouldn't he have changed ? it was his right . but i didn't see it then . so , it was not all your fault , you know ."
rose was letting me off the hook , a little  . the wine had loosened my tongue ." roger and gisela gard came to dinner once . believe it or not , i was playing office politics . one of the twins  was naughty , and it was nathan who deal with it . i saw roger watching nathan , i could almost hear him thinking .

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. " i want to say sorry to you ," i confessed ." i did not realiz what i did until i had married nathan and had the boys . then it all looked different , particularly when i grasped how disapointed nathan was at times . he used to looked at me sometimes , and i could see how he hated what he'd done . it wasn't that he didn't care for me , but that he ealized how much he cared for the things that he had discarded ."
nathan had used rose badly . i had used rose badly . and i already knew the full import one's trnsgression do not really hit home until years after the event . the manuals don't mention that one , it was probably too complicated a suject for them to tackle .
" poor minty ," said rose , and her irony cut me to the quick  . she remembered hunchedover her wine ." you were welcome to him ." she admitted ." he had hurt me so much . sometimes , i i thought i ewould die of the hurt . but you know the aphorism : this too will pass  ? it's true - it does .. thank god . when he turned up here on the day he died , i disdn't make him particularly welcome . actually , i didn't want him here .i was busy  . he could see  that and was disappointed . but you know . i didn't feel i had any reason to put  myself out . i had spent so long shaking free . and nathan's problem were not mine ...i could no longer engage with him , not unwanted as you are dying is a terrible hard fact ....
she gave a choking sound ." for god's sake . he  left me , for you . remember ?"  she turned an anguished face toward me " remember ?"
"i  i think of it most of the time . never more so than now . rose made a visible effort ." you have the twins , to...sider .

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. she understood what i meant ." actually , yes ."
we exchanged a glnce . funnily enough , we do understand each other . rose put down her glass and said , " nathan and i were married for a long time . we knew each other very well . just as ... just as .... you and i do . it was easy to pick up conversations ." she got up and walked over to window ." my life with nathan was private until you came along . if our marriage had had patches and ares of blinness . it was ours and it worked , until you prized it apart . then everyone took a good look , andit was open house ." she turned round and stared at me , calm and stead ." you must admit that i don't own you anything , minty , no explanations . no loyalty ."
i cried out ." nathan came here because he wanted comfort and conversation . he didn't find them with me . your bed would have been a natureal progression ."
she leaned her forehead against the curtain and sighed wearily ." why don't you stop now and let it go ."
"because i'm angry with myself . rose . but i'm also angry with nathan ."
" oh minty , won't you leave him alone . give him some peace ."
"you're rght , i should not be here ."
" quite ," she said coldly . she ppoured a second glass of wine and hugged it to her chest . i made no move , and she said . "aren't you going ? go ."
what did the self -help manuals have to say on the suject of the second wife  apologizing to the first ? those books that so encouraged people to believe they could get a grip on their lives and make changes , that concocted dazzling fantasies of solution and forgiveness , and other castle in the air ?

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. i don't have to discuss anything with you and i i certainly don't feel i have to  help you sort thing out ."
she got up and disappeared on a tray ." you 'd better have some of this . hal brought it from italy ."
as i accepted the glass , my blouse , which was cut tight into the torso , dug into the flesh under my arm ." the boys ask after yoy  . quite a lot , actually ."
quick as lightning . i picked up the flash of delight that lit her face . " the boys.... " her voice was off soft , almost possessive ." they are sweet ."
my instinct was to hiss : keep off my sons . i looked down at myu hands  and struggled for mastery ." old friendships and old loyalties , do you remember ? you talked about how hard it is to shake them off ?"
she smiled grimly . ' believe me , i could shake you  off , minty , with , with no trouble at all . it would not take much ."
she meant it , and flushed , not with her husband , i was , i was culpable , pitiaable , and all the other thingss that rose cared to name . and yet , all those years ago , i had witnessed her rush into the office , too-oink lipstick smudged , her sweater ill fitting , swearing that  nathan / the children had been difficult / demanding / cross . i used to think she deserved the pity .
i drank my wine and looked around the room . in its calm , ordered magnolia and cream with blue touches here and there , it reflected what rose had become . it was a room that . it was a room that  was arranged entirely to the satisfaction of its occupant ." there are advantages to living alone , " i remember .

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. old ground for you , perhaps ." i closed my eyes for a second ." but nathan didn't like it , and it was a source of friction ."
" for god's sake . minty . what do you want from me ?"
"i suppose..... " i said miserably ." i want to tell you that he wasn't really happy with me . and that he regretted leaving you ." i hesitated and then forced out the words through gritted teeth ." id he come back into my bed ?" rose made a noise between a laugh and a gasp , but i ploughed on ." nathan had been there so many times before ..." yes , he has shared the eeryday language of small noises and touch with rose . he had listened o her breathing in the nightr  , heard her clean her teeth , fill the kettle ..." it wouldn't have been such a big step ." rose held up a hand to stop me , but i ignored it . " i could never share the long history you had with him . i could never compete . you were always there . ahead  of me . always ."
" stop it , minty ."
i had wit enough left to obey her .
rose flashed a wry smile ." i want never gets ." it was a saying we had used oftewn in the office . once . years ago . timon , the editor , had always wanted more books , fewer books , different ones . i want never gets , except in that case , i want usually did get . she continued ,' when nathan first told me he was having an affair , they should  be very clever and very secret . i still believe that ."
"nevertheless , i need to know ."
rose's smile had vanished , she leaned toward me to emphasize her point  , and i smelled her jasmine seent ." i don't have to tell you anything , minty ." she spoke withiout malice , most gently .' fyou lost the right to my confidences long ago .