338 wivesbehavingbadly (end)

.  the twins wriggled , frieda made a face , and the adults drank  our toast . absent friends .
at which point , frieda threw herself back  in her chair and overbalanced ." oh , for goodness sake , " said jilly , " i told you  not to do that ." then she remembered it was christmasd and wipe the frown off her face ." come here , sweetheart , i'll kiss you better ."
sam produced a digital camera ." okay . best smiles ." he ordered ." mum can you move up a bit . frieda , sit still . lucas . can you get onto your mum 's lap ? thank you ."
we held our  posses , there were several clicks , and sam fiddled  with the camera ." have a look ," he said passed it round .
rose was in the middle of the group , with jilly beside her . richard's eyes were red . lucas had moved at the crucial moment and , consequently  was a little blurred . felix  was pointing at something ,poppy was gazing at richard . and myself ? i was positioned in theleft-hand corner of the photo . looking tired , which was not surprising ." it's quite good of you , minty ."
poppy commented  and  handed the camera back to sam .
rose sat herself down beside me ." i've been thinking about the garden , as you asked . we couldput the catmint over by the fwence . it would fit well there and leave space for the boys to play , what do you think ?"
a candle guttered and i leaned forward to shield the flame . it was hot against my flash , and i flinched ." mum ..." shrieked felix ." mum ...can we have presents ? "
the flame steadied , and i took my hand away .

335 wivesbehavingbadly

poppy had been a little sour about the family decision to hold chrismas lunch at number 7 ." richard and i could almost be offended , " she pointed out , " and our house is bigger ."
she had been mollified , however , when it wa arranged that lily and frieda would drive p from  bath , sam would fly in from the states , and they would  stay with poppy for a couple of days . jilly was pregnant again and , in the latest bulletin ,  sam announced that they had agreed she wouls remain in the UK until after the birth -" we couldn't affort to have a baby in the states  " then join sam in austin .
the boys  and i chose the christmas  tre from the trader at the coner of lakey street and brought it home , with a selection of particularly  nasty colord baubles and and colored lights with which they had fallen in love , it had been no use protesting that silver balls and white lights were prettier  . they simply did not see it . any idea i might have cherished of a sophisticated , elegant tre disintegrate in the face of a determined pair of twins .
after all , and after everything  , it was their tree .
we put it up in the hall . felix and lucas did their best to hold it stead while i crawled underneath to screw it into the stand . the three of us stood back to assess  thje effect ." mummy , "
pronounced felix seriously  ." it's a bit croooked ." i bit my lip . this had been nmathan 's job , and  he had been expert in the fine-tuning , i saw " addy " float through their minds , and i said ." you're so picky  , felix ." but i crawled back underneath the pine-scented  branches and thought : you  should see me now , nathan .
i planned everything down to the last detail , presents .... bath oil for the women , which i emploed syriol to wrap , who was keen to earn a bit extra , and a good bottle  of wine each for the men . food .... the turkey , ready - made gravy , cranberry sauce , bread sauce , vegetables , and pudding was to be delivered from  the supermarket .i reconked i could manage to peel the brussels  sprouts and potatoes with the boys 's help .
 a big smile plastered across her wan face . eve had flown home on christmas  eve with so much luggage - mostly sweaters and socks from marks  &  spencer - that i was convinced she would not get through check -in .
i had filled  the stockings several days previously .
on christmas day . i had been  up at dawn laying the table . having thought long and hard about ther placements , i decided that sam should be at the head with his mother . richard was at the other end of the table  with me . poppy had volunteered to sit the twins on their side of her to keep an eye on them . you are to make decent conversation , i admonished them ." what's decent ? " asked felix .
sam arrived early straight from te airport . he was tired , unshaven , and foul breathed . i sent him up to the spare bedroom , where he could wash and brush up in peace . the rest arrived hlaf an hour later .
there was confusion as  to whther the presents should be openned before  or after lunch , but i put my foot down  and announced that lunch would burn if we delayed ,, sam carved and richard poured the wine . poppy had provided the candle 9 red and glittering ) , which to behonest , would not have been my first choice , and played cat's cradle with the twins while the food  was served . with one arm round frieda . rose talked earnestly to jilly .
no one paid me much attention , but that was fine , particularly as i was busy in the kitchen . that was how i wanted it . as we sat and ate , conversation  flew back and forth across the table , little  snippets of gossip , an old joke  , a snatch of reminiscence . only so much could have  been decided that they were jumping beans and richard had to swap places to try to help poppy control them .
when i emerged from the kitchen with two puddings burning merrily , there was smattering of applause . i sat down , exhausted , speechless , and not hungry . at that moment , rose sent me a little  smile .
we discussed jet lag ." i've been caking melatonin ," sam rubbed his face , " but it's not great ."
" you should try arnica . the pills , i mean ." rose said .
"it mght be better if you didn't quaff huge quantities of wine on board ." poppy leaned over to poke her brother ." eh ?"

" who are you to lecture on behavior ?" sam grinned all the same . " i know where your secret are buried ." for a second , poppy's eyes were dark with terror . under the table , i felt for her hand . after a moment .poppy's  fingers tightened  on mine  . sm continued ." who snitched the chocolate bunny from gavin in the fifth form ? that's  whaty i want to know ."
after the pudding sam got to his feet , wineglass  in hand . " we need a toast , " he said ." absent friends ."
" dad ....." cried one of the twins and i swiveled round to see which .
there followed one of the heartbreaking emotin-filled silences that no one wanted to last .

334 wivesbehavingbadly

. when the twins had been strapped into their seats , rose and i drove off in opposite  directions . before she disappeared , rose tooted her horn .
i drove back throught the streets , where people made their way home from work . it seemed that there were couples everywhere . hand in hand , talking . sharing a bottle of water or chips , some had their arms round each other . one man had his hand tucked into the pocket of his girlfriend's jacket . at the corner of albert bridge road and battersea  bridge road , another couple was wrapped in each other's arms . as i drove past , i caught a glimpse of the girl's face . it was enraptured , salight ,  quivering with a new dawn .
my eyes smarted with tears .
i had not read a self-help  manual in weeks , for one thing . i had hunted down the statistics ." the most likely customer for a book on any given topic ."  concluded one researcher , " was someone who had bought a similar tome with the past eihteen months  , " . this begged the question : if self-help manual are  so good at solving the problem , why would you need to buy another on the same subject ?
" what was it that rose told you to remember ?" i asked the boys eventuallly .
lucas went , " roar , roar . that's the dinosaur eating the horse ."
"  they weren't hoprses , " said felix ." not then ."
"boys , what  did rose ask you to remember ?"
in the rear mirror , i watched  felix brow wrinkle wirth effort , " she said we looked more like daddy every day , " he said .
i flicked my finger over my cheek where the tears continute ued to run . rule number six of the rules governing my life is taken from something rose said . it states : youmust hold on , for this too will pass .

333wivesbehavingbadly

. she locked the car and , boys in in tow , we moved off in the direction of the pond .
" lucas  didn't eat eat much lunch ," rose reported ." he was too excited  . there  was an exhibilittion about . tyrannosayrus rex . the moded ate model prey and snapped its jaws . lucas was transfix , and felix ..... well , i am not sure  that he liked it much ."
" was it crowed ?"
"was it crowded ?"
we circumnavigated the pond once , and that was enough . it was scummy and the coucil's attempts to landscape it had only gone so far before the money had run out  . it was too cold . by mutual consent , we retraced our steps to the cars , "  what are you up to ?" i asked rose .
"after chrismas  i'm off to see had at the farm . i haven't seen him for weeks , " her face registered anticipation and pleasure ." after that , viet viet , i think . there's a piece i've got to do ."
we stood by the cars . " thank you so much for taking them today , " i said . " i'm so grateful , " i fished in my pocket for my car keys , which had become attched to half a boiled sweet i had given to lucas the last time he had felt carsick . roseextracted her keys from a brilliant green lizard-skin handbag and zapped the lock . "next time , i'll take them to the zoo . when it gets warner ."
we leaned toward each other , an awkward second elapsed as we clashed cheeks and exchanged the lightest of kisses .
" thanks , " i said again .
" that's fine ." she kissed felix and lucas on the tops of their heads ." be good boys , and remember what i told you ."

332 wivesbehavingbadly

. a stack of quick-fire calculations snapped through my brain . eve needed a break . she needed her mother . four days in a coach was not a rest . i neededd eve , well and strong , as she herself wished to be ." i'll pay your airfare , and you must go as soon as we can arrange it ."
as i went upstairs , prepareing for riot duty , the rest of the calculation slooted into place .  what with the hit taken on my finances with the loan to poppy , eve's  airfare equaled a   reduction in the chrismas present list . it definitely put paid to the haircut , and the cost of her replacement would , no doubt , see off any strictly unnessary seaonal frivolity , but that , i supposed , it what unnessary meant . you could do wiyhout it .
it was the day before chrismas eve , the kind of day that paraded a weak  sun as a joke . i eased the car into  the parking slot and got out . it was very cold , and i zipped up my fleece , a powder blue , then  turned up the collar . i could smell frosted leaf mold and the faintes whiff of frying fat coming from a van selling snacks parked farther up .
i was relishing the moment of freedom , and allowing my mind to drift , before i took up the slack in the reins and pulled them tight . moments  such as these kept me sane .
i was contemplating getting back into the warm car , when  a smart siver coupe' drew up and prked in in the space beside mine .
one of the passenger doors  flung open and lucas tumble out ." mum ... " he was followed  closely  by  felix .
" mum ...." both of them were clutching picture books with an illustration if dinosaur on the front . i knew this because felix virtually pressed his into my face.

331 wivesbehavingbadly

. no food , he backed off at once ." i was only thinking of you ." he said .
on the way home . i passsed paige's house . the front garden was looking ultrasmart because the gardener had recently completed the autumn spring clean ."  " you  can't call it a spring clean ," i had pointed out to paige when i phoned her the previous day . i can call it what i like was her reply .
" has martin been to see you ?"
paige bristled , " i wish you wouldn't interfere ."
"and ?"" he's here at the weekend , but i'm not taking him back . minty , as i'm far too busy with the children to be married ."
the scene when i finally got throgh the door of number 7 was much  as i had pictured it . eve had collapsed  into a chair in the kitchen , and a small riot  was going on in the boys 's bedroom . one of eve's hands lay on the table  , so white and thin that it alarmed me .
first i tackled her ." look ," i addressed the slumped figure ." this is not good . it's been going on for months , and you havn't got really better . you need  and i was startled by the light in her eyes ." go back ? she gulped a lungful of air - as if she was already breathing in the scents of river and mountains of her home .
that decidewd it . " you must go home for two weeks , see your family , rest , then come back ."
" i get coach ." eve hauled herself to her feet , and her smile was pure joy . " i telephone . now ."
" no , that's a two-day journey both ways , no , you .
" the moneys ."

330 wivesbehavingbadly

. his kindness was unexpected , and i was still having trouble with kindness . it tened to reduce me ." yes . but i'm coming to terns with it and making my way ."
i need not have wasted my energy : chris's kindness was merely a vehicle for other consideration .
minty , it might be better if you were working for a bigger organization which would have more slack for someone in your predicament . a very real predicament ."
there was no point in getting angry . if i was to survive at paradox until such times as i wished to leave on my own terms . i could not be angry ." are you suggesting or telling me ?"
he smiled gently , and i could  not decide whether it was genuine or not ." friend , in this business it doesn't  help to have additional pressures . a company as tight as paradox needs to know it's functioning optimally with no unnecessary drag . you need to know that when problems arise , there is no problem in dealing with them , if you see what i mean ."
" sweet of you . chris ," i murmured .
in the ol;d days , i would have deploed sex - which nathan fell for . i would have opened my eyes , looked up from beneath the slids , and have made sure my cleavage  was in the correct line of sight . i might have said ." -how nice of you to take aninterest ," which would have introduced a faint chime of promise , sufficient to push chris off the track . i'm not saying that i have come to desptie such tactics , or would never use  them again , only that sex took time , the bys ewould be waiting for me .
instead i placed the last of my notes in my bad and fastened it ." chris , perhaps  it would be better not to pursure  this conversation . if you are trying to suggest that as a working mother . i'm a liability . it could get you into trouble ...."