29 wivesbehavingbadly

" october 30 ....." this year ." i read somewhere that most people have a secret grief . tht seems right ."
a secret grief . and yet , i mined about nathan's secret grief . its existence , its confirmation in writting , was to point a wound and a failure . the words spelled out the  ridiculsness of our ambition to be happy and its defeat .
here was the deal . i had seen nathan and taken him . he had talked a lot about new beginnings and freedom and climbing out of a box and that had made it all very exciting .rose had wept and grieved and gone away , leaving me tio run her house and produce more children for nathan . before i knew it , that had comnstituted the main business between nathan and me  : bringing up the children and running the house - or was it the other way around ? instead of climbing out of his box , we had climbed back as fast as possible into it .
i made to shut the notebook and its revelations . as i did so , i noticed a document tucked into the pouch at the back and pulled it out . it was a professionall drawing of a small garden - ten meters by fifteen meters , according to the pal and the compass indicated it was southwest facing . an arrow pointed to a line of trees that bisected the space reading " pleached olive ," other arrows pointed to plants : humulus , ficus , verbena..... typed in at the bottom of the diagram were the words : " height . route , rest ." at the top of the diagram was scribbled ." this is it . what do you think ? why don't you talk it over with minty ?"
the handwriting was rose 's .