felix was instantly riveted by his red palstic boat . he did not look at me . reluctanly . i reached for a second towel and spread it over my nicole farhi trousers . " okay , felix ." a wave of water hit the sides as he ejected , bulletlike , out of the bath ." cAREFUL ."
HE PAID NO ATTENTION AND BURIED HIS HEAD IN MY SHOULDER . nuzzling and whinnying like the ponies he loved to read about ." i've got num ."
instantly , lucas abandoned eve and forced his way onto my lap too ." get off ," he ordered his brother .
eve was watching . she liked to ticket and docket my behavior and imagineed i did not notice . it gave her may=terial to share with her friends , and she liked it best when i did not rise to her strict notions of good mothering because then she ghad pllenty to discuss .
what eve know ?
nathan and i had created the squirming bidies competing for space on my lap ..... the skinny limbs , the raucous bellows of laughter or distress , the endless craving for warmth and reassurance . they had been a logical consequence of my longing for that fine , harmonious household .
yet even eve could sense that story required fleshing out . she knew that when i was tired or low , i recoiled from the urgency of the twins . i found it impossible to reconcile myself with their kidnapping of time and energy , their need to creep inside my mind . then i was back in the biox from which there was no exit . then i took refuge in imposing strict routines , making lists , in striving for perfection .
in the peace of my own bedroom , i removed the shower cap and inspected my face and hair in the mirror - the twice daily patrol along the border between (to quote paige ) the wife and mother who was still " pretty sexy " and the woman who " looked good for her age ." there was a difference .
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