247 wivesbehavingbadly

. i scraped the rubbish into the bin and the lid banged shut
a deep , unhealed loss held me in its tight grip .
i was woken by the sound of starlings on the stairs . i glanced at the clock - five - thirty AM  . groaning , i got out of bed .' and just what are you two doing ?" i demaned . the twins were dressed and kitted up with their school  rucksacks . " and what are you carrying ?"
]"it 's our food for the journey ," felix explained .
"turn round ." felix so , and i unzipped the rucksack . inside i found an apple and a couple of bourbon  biscuits  and blanky . " did you pinch these from the tin ?"
'it's for our journey ." lucas repeated .
" what journey ?"
felix tugged at my sleep suit ." a special journey , mummy ."
i sat down on the top stair . " you were runing away without  telling me . i wouldn't have liked that , you know ."
this worried felix ." we're going to find daddy ." he said
to hide the rush of sharp , hot tears , i dropped my had into my hands . there were further starling rustles  and a twin inserted himself on either side of me . i put  out my arms and drew them close ." what am i going to do with you ?" they knew enough to know the question  wass rhetorical  , and neither answered ." i've told you both about daddy . he'ss gone to another place where he will be perfectly at peace , but he can't ever come back ."
" oh , yes he will , " said lucas ." when we dig him up ."
i ached for their misery . i pressed them close . my sadness wass now complete , and i searched desolately for the best words ,the right thing to do .