222 wivesbehavingbadly

. sleep was unpredicable , and i asked myself difficult questions . would nathan have known as he died what was happening to him  ? had it been painful ? i prayed not . but perhaps , it he had understood what was happening , he had been granted the chance during the final seconds to think thank you for a good life . i can't imagine what it must be like to die  with the conclusion . i had an unsatisfactory , woeful , beastly life .
did he manage to think about any of us ?
the self-help manual after life ,  which i was now reading , said we cannot possibl comprehend death . anything we think we know is a fantasy .
i want to know how the author knew .
sue frost turned up at the house . at first , i did not reconize the figure in pink cutoffs and matching loafers , for she looked older than the woman whom i had encountered in the supermaket ." surprised ?" she said .
"well , yes . but no ."
sue held out a bunch of peonies and a couple of leaflers " for nathan 's sake , i brought you these ."
her  eyes filled and so , to my distress , did mine . ." thank you , " i managed .
"we will miss him ." she was weeping openly now ." we really love him ."
the tears were rolling down my cheeks and i lashed out . " but not enough to recognize me , which would have made him happy ?"\
now it was sue's turn to be surprised . " yes , well ," she wiped her cheeks with her sleeve ." we all do things we regret . the leaflets . i don't you if you know , i'm a trained counselr  . in fact i run the op[eration . if you would like , if you feel you need help .... if you need ..."